How did you forgive your partners past

Did she do something TO you? Like lied about it when you asked, or cheated on you with an ex? If not, what are you "forgiving" her for?

There's nothing to forgive unless you go back in time to tell her that everything she does will created a mental illness for you. The truth is everything she has been through created who she is. And if you don't like her why are you with her?

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I don’t think forgiveness would be the right word. I think the right word would be “overlook” or “accept.” Though I have done well regarding my RJ since meeting my bf, I will admit some things here and there bother me. So if you want my two sense, here it is:

1. I used to ask specific questions before going on a date with a guy (I have met most people I dated online). This time, I reframed from asking those questions until later. But I’m sure if you’re in a relationship you are past this stage.

2. Try your best not to bring up the past. Including your own. This is less likely to bring up topics that can trigger RJ. At least in my experience.

3. Know that chances are you are thinking of their past more than they are. Unless they have a child with their ex, the ex is a ghost from the past.

4. Not everyone regrets their past but if they do, know that everyone has made choices they are not proud of (including me and you). IF they are not happy with their choices, they may not want to be reminded of it. If you love your partner you wouldn’t want to intentionally hurt them.

5. Their past made them who they are. Maybe if it wasn’t for those choices of life events, they wouldn’t be the person you (I assume) love. They could be someone VERY different.

I hope this helped a bit and good luck! 😊

By realizing I don't need to forgive them they didn't do anything wrong the problem is within you.

I’m not sure forgiveness is the word. Accept is more accurate

I didn’t. I still don’t. The cool things is I don’t have to. She is not less of a person for what she did before me. I just don’t like some of said history. I’ve chosen to work toward indifference. I have my opinions about it still, but she doesn’t deserve to suffer just because of that.

If she had a different past, she probably wouldn't be with you. She'd have had a different set of values, or more self-respect, or better boundaries, or more choices in general, all of which would have led to her choosing her current partner differently. Edit to add: this goes for the genders being flipped obviously.

I just say "I forgive you for having life experiences before me. Just don't do it again, ok?"

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There is nothing that needs forgiving

It's not my place to forgive it. It did not involve me. It is my place to assess a persons values for compatibility with mine. Beyond that the rest really isn't my business. My rj would like to make it my business but that's a me thing I work on.

We focus so much on this old stuff it's just a monumental waste of time. Sigh

You don’t need to. You need to get over the belief your parents partner needs to be forgiven.

Time is all you need! It will eventually go, you’ll always dislike it it’s normal but with time you’ll accept it. If he/she’s really a nice person, it won’t matter later on.

Masturbate to it :)